Frustration
by PikaSass
Summary: My second songfic, done in Misty's POV. She could've kicked herself black and blue for the dozens of opportunities she had to reveal her true feelings. So will today be different? Or just another day of frustration...?


DISCLAIMER: I don't own Pokémon or the song "I Love You" by Sarah McLachlan.

A/N: Wowee, my second songifc, go PikaSass! Truth be told, as I sit here typing this A/N I have no idea how this story is gonna go, but I heard this song not long ago and thought it would be good for a fic. ANYWAYS, I'll shut up now and let you read!

__

I have a smile

Stretched from ear to ear

To see you walking down a road.

We meet at the lights

I stare for a while

The world around us disappears...

There are very few things that can give me an ear to ear smile these days. One of those things is also something that gives me the complete opposite of a smile - a frown that portrays both confusion and frustration. 

So how could one little thing do so much to me? Well, this little "thing" is a human being. A boy, my age, my best friend of the last four years. And every time I see him, hear him talking, watch him sleeping, I go through a series of emotions and facial expressions. I smile, I get what I think they call warm fuzzies, I shake my head in disbelief and rid my thoughts, then I sigh and wonder what's wrong with myself these days.

I left home with the ambitions of any other novice Pokémon trainer. The top goal always was to become a Water Pokémon Master, and I knew I could do it. But now...that dream has faded to the back of my mind. It's been overidden by daydreams that constantly surface whenever the slightest glimpse of him ever comes into my vision, or the quietest uttering of his name travels towards me.

Am I pathetic? Probably. You're all sitting there thinking I sound like every other 14-year old girl talking about their teenage crush, the kind they pass notes to in school, the kind they can only dream about because their celebrity status instantly makes them unavaliable.

The difference with Ash is that he is there, every day, by my side, totally available...and that this is more than a crush. This, I can safely say, is love...

__

It's just you and me

On my island of hope

A breath between us could be my last.

Let me surround you

I see to your shore

Let me be the shore you see...

However, I find it hard to believe that Ash could ever see me as anything more than a friend. I'd do anything for him. I'd put his life before mine if the situation ever arose. And every time I try to tell him this, which has been nearly every day for the past four years, my courage falters me. Why? Because even if we never go anywhere romantically, he has been the greatest friend I could ever imagine having, and if I dared to tell him how I felt, I would instantly sever our friendship ties in one swift movement.

I don't think he suspects a thing. It's not like I make it obvious, and if I do I don't mean to. Everytime I have opened my mouth to even slightly hint at it, which has been in my more insane moments, he turns around. Not always physically, but verbally the conversation changes, thanks to him. And everytime he does that, I am rescued from confessing the biggest secret in my life...

__

And everytime I'm close to you

There's too much I could say

And you just walk away...

But today is going to be different. Today I have woken up to witness quite possibly the most beautiful sunrise I'll ever see, and it has somehow given me some sort of inspiration. He has a right to know. As my best friend, as my travelling companion for the last four years, as the boy I love, he deserves to know.

******

"Whatchya doing, Mist?" Ash inquired nosily, peering over my shoulder. I quickly snapped my diary shut and whirled round to face him in surprise.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" I asked rhetorically. I checked my watch and widened my eyes in surprise. "What are you doing up so early?"

Ash shrugged. "Didn't sleep well last night. Brocko's snoring is getting worse. There are honestly nights I'm tempted to just go over to him and snap a peg onto his nose."

I laughed at the description, hiding every fragment of nervousness that was invading me. Okay. What was stopping me now? Brock was still asleep, it was tranquil and peaceful, Ash was now sitting next to me watching the lake that was in front of our camp. 

So what the hell is stopping you, Misty? Come on! _Now! _

"Hey Ash..." I started quietly.

Ash faced me. "Yeah?" he replied, sounding totally normal. He was on the other side of the spectrum when it came to how we were feeling at that moment in time.

I gulped, sending the words back down. "W-we're going to Olivine City today, right?" I asked meekly. Ohhh, if my legs had been long enough I could've kicked myself in the head repeatedly for that one. 

"I think so. They've got a gym there and all, so yeah, I'll wanna make a stop off there" Ash informed me. He flashed me a smile and I tried to reflect it without totally losing the plot. Even his _smile _gets to me! How did I wind up this way?

"That's cool. We'd better hit the road when Brock wakes up, we lost a lotta ground yesterday just waiting for you alone" I said teasingly.

Ash cringed but continued to smile. "I'm gonna go wash up before breakfast. Do you mind keeping a wee eye on Pikachu while I'm gone?"

"Sure thing" I nodded. Ash stood up and headed in the direction of the lake and instinticvly my eyes fell upon Pikachu, still curled up on its master's sleeping bag, as oblivious as Ash when it came to me.

I can't believe I did it again. There was nothing stopping me that time. _Nothing._ Except my stupid cowardliness. I sighed and flopped back down onto my own sleeping bag, ignoring the slight pain the impact had bestowed upon me. Nothing could be as painful as what I had endured for the last four years. 

__

And I forgot

To tell you I love you

And nights are too long

And cold here without you.

I grieve in my condition

For I cannot find the words to say

I need you so.

Ash returned three minutes later, in which Brock still hadn't woken up and I could've sworn my brain was bulging at the seams. I was curled up in my own little ball of despair, my knees painfully clutched towards my chest and my forehead now receiving angry red imprints from resting on my knees. 

"Hey Mist, is everything okay?" Ash asked.

"Everything's fine!" I replied a little too quickly. Of course, Ash saw totally through this, and proceeded to politely wake up Pikachu and then rudely wake up Brock. 

I feel sorry for Brock sometimes. He's not as dense as Ash, he had figured out my feelings quicker than I had really processed them myself. And now he was caught in the middle. I, being the chicken that I am, had begged him not to mention a fraction of anything related to my feelings to Ash, and he had promised months ago that he wouldn't.

But hell, even _he _must've thought I should've told Ash by now. I know that if I was him I would've been frustrated watching the display Ash and I put on every day. Knowing that the fights, the arguments, the cold shoulders and the silent treatments were all for show. Well, on my part anyway. Ash, on the other hand, well...I wouldn't be surprised if he meant every word he fired at me. With him, there was never a "heat of the moment" thing.

"Morning Brock" I greeted him as he slowly sat up. He smiled and gave me a small wave. 

"Hey Misty. S'pose you're the only one ready to go, hmm?" he asked.

I shrugged. "More or less." I turned back to my bag and shoved my diary right into the bottom of it. Leaving out top was dangerous. Ash was forever curious as to the contents in that little book, and there was no way in this lifetime he was getting his hands on it.

It was another half hour before we finally did get going, and even then we hadn't had breakfast. Stupid, I know, but we're used to it. We should be. We're travelers, and if we skip meals it's only due to our non-existent cash. However, it didn't take long for Ash's complaining to kick in.

"I'm hungry. An apple is not a substantial breakfast" he pointed out. 

"Maybe so, but it's pretty much all we've got. Unless you're up for seaweed crackers" Brock shrugged. Ash immediately shook his head and slightly shuddered at the thought. My bet would be that he's never even heard of seaweed crackers, let alone tried them.

"How much longer?" Ash asked, trying to be subtle, but the whine in his tone was undeniable. I sighed.

"Be patient, will you?" I asked in exasperation. 

"Sorry Mist, but I've gotta win this one! Then it's only one more to the league!" Ash said excitedly, that all too familiar glint coming to his eyes at the mere thought of winning a badge. I can only wish to be the one other thing to bring that glint into his eyes. 

"Pi Pikachu!" Pikachu agreed. No doubt it would be jumping around if it wasn't happily seated on Ash's hat. 

"Yeah yeah, I hear you" I grinned. "It can't be far off, right Brock?"

"An hour or so should do it" Brock informed us. I nodded. An hour was cake. It wasn't like we were hiking over the Andes or something. 

Now, there was something different about this day, like I had said earlier in my diary. I could only put it down to my repeated disappointment when it came to my courage, but usually there's something else lingering in the back of my Ash oriented thoughts. Today there was nothing else. Just Ash. I couldn't make room for one other fleeting thought in my crowded mind. 

And suddenly, I knew why. I don't know if it had happened this morning or if it had happened a while ago and I had been a little too ignorant to realise it, but I knew now. Ash was no longer a want in my life. He was a need. I needed him like I needed oxygen. And as this realisation ran through me, a panic also accompanied it.

Oh my god. What if Ash wanted to leave? What if I had to leave? I say 'had' because I would never leave on my own will. But Ash could leave any time he wanted to. He could easily ditch me and Brock for a solo journey and never look back. Nothing was stopping him. 

I closed my eyes and tried to regain my composure. I was never good in a state of panic, and that seemed to be the one thing invading me like I was some country fallen victim to the enemy's army. 

"Calm, calm, just stay calm Misty, why would he..."

"Misty? Who are you talking to?" Brock inquired. Ash whirled around and we all stopped walking, the two guys fixing their confused gazes on me. Oh no. Panicked and put on the spot. This was not my ideal situation.

"Um, I was just...y'know..."

"No, I don't know. I thought I heard you muttering away back there. What's up?" Ash asked nosily. His nosiness is one of his less appealing traits. But I had learnt to live with it. Or at least, I thought I had. Now it was practically killing me. 

In a pathetic display of weakness, I crumpled to the ground, just staring blankly at the dirt road. Brock and Ash immediately knelt beside me, concern scrawled all over their faces. 

"You okay Misty?" Ash asked hurriedly. Hmm, what was the rush? I turned to him, trying to look as normal as I could, but I knew it was impossible. I never knew emotions could resemble a bottle of shaken soft drink, ready to explode - until now. I tried, oh lord how I tried to keep my feelings at bay. But I couldn't. Not for another day.

__

And everytime I'm close to you

There's too much I can say

And you just walk away...

He was not walking away today. Not if I could help it. And I could help it. 

"Ash, I d-dunno how to, um, say this..." Babbling like an idiot, what a legendary start that was. Then suddenly, the strangest but probably most relevant saying came into my head. Actions speak louder than words. I scanned Ash's eyes carefully, as though I was looking for messages I so desperately wanted to read.

__

And I forgot

To tell you I love you.

And nights are too long

And cold here without you.

I grieve in my condition

For I cannot find the words to say

I need you so.

I can't find words. I haven't been able to find words. I know I will never find words. So the craziest notion came into my head. In front of Brock, as I lost my common sense and logic at the same time, I suddenly and forcefully grabbed the object of my desires and didn't hesitate to plant what I hoped was a loving kiss on his lips.

The gasps that came out of both Brock and Pikachu's mouths didn't escape me, but they were the last of my concerns. Confusion was slightly slicing through my pleasure as I realised Ash was kissing me back. I had sort of expected maybe a second of his sweet lips on mine before he pushed me away in disgust, but he was kissing me back! 

Joy, rapture, a million other emotions, all of them positive, exploded within me before I finally pulled away, staring into his surprised but nonetheless smiling face.

"Wow" he breathed in obvious astonishment. My lips had somehow become glued together and again I lost words. I just smiled, praying that the heat on my face was the sun and not me blushing furiously as I most likely was. "That was...that was..." Ash trailed off.

"I-I'm sorry" I stuttered. I can never remember apologising with such a grin on my face, or having it reflected by the person I was apologising to. 

"Don't be" Ash replied quietly, his fingers now slowly running over my cheek. "You should never be sorry for falling in love with someone who's been in love with you since you first met." 

His words held me in a spellbound trance and I could only keep on grinning like a goof, suddenly remembering that Brock was also present. I turned around to meet his gaping mouth and smiled all the wider.

"He loves me" I said happily. Brock burst into laughter after hearing this and I shared in the giggles.

"I hafta say Mist, that was the most open display of first time affection I've ever witnessed" Brock remarked. I smiled again and turned back to Ash.

"I'm just glad he returned it" I said quietly. Without another word, Ash was the one to intiate the next kiss, and I didn't hesitate returning it. In less than a minute, my dream of the last four year had suddenly, and kind of unexpectedly, come true. My frustration at myself was gone. But one other thing had been confirmed today, aside from Ash's love being returned to me. 

My intuition had been right. This day was different. And I couldn't be more grateful.

A/N: Written quickly, simple, but ah well! As you probably read in the disclaimer, the song I used was called "I Love You" by Sarah McLachlan, it's reeeeeally cool, I just had to use it! I thought the lyrics were perfect for Misty. Anyways, please review, I love yaz all for it, and look out for more from me soon! (o^_^o)


End file.
